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Horrorscopes: An Astrological Almanac
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It is your astrological sign which defines who are you are. It decides whether you respond to love like a confused child or an ancient, terrifying lothario. Your professional life can, and does, rely solely on the position of Saturn at any given moment - a far more comforting explanation for not getting that promotion instead of simply not deserving it. Every single person on the planet is unique to within twelve personality types. We hope that each and every one of you (out of twelve) can find something within these pages. Except for Libra, but you'll find out about that in August. Good luck in the year ahead. You're going to need it. Aries Birthstone: That rock you threw into a river when you were four. Lucky Day: No lucky days this year. Keynote for the Year: Just get your head down and things might get better in 2016. January: 2-6 Someone writes 'effect' when they mean 'affect.' Now you have a body to dispose of. 10-14 Lunch goes badly when you order Death By Chocolate for dessert and the waitress beats you to death with a giant toblerone. 26-29 Your time machine proves functional but your inherently dishonesty means nobody believes you.
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